Alicia's article in 3-27-05 Post Dispatch

Time to talk Alicia Schoemehl takes great comfort that she was able to discuss with her husband his wishes about how his days would end. It was something the St. Louis couple never had talked about before he got sick. In September 2001, doctors diagnosed Jim Schoemehl with Lou Gehrig's disease. Alicia, 40, quit her job at Webster Groves High School to care for him. By January, Jim was in a wheelchair and losing control of his arms and mouth. "We knew there was no cure," she said. Not long after Jim was diagnosed, the couple enlisted the aid of hospice workers, who helped them work through many of the difficult decisions and spiritual issues. "It was made easier on me because my husband was able to help make that decision. In fact, I would say he did make that decision. I just wanted him to be happy." Early on, when Jim began to have trouble eating, the family decided to use a feeding tube to keep his strength up. Though his body was failing, his mind was strong. "Had we waited, if that would have been an end-of-life decision," Alicia said, "we probably wouldn't have done a feeding tube because Jim didn't want to be around when he was looking up at the ceiling with no movement, not enjoying life." Eventually, Jim contracted pneumonia and slipped into a coma. The couple already had decided against using a ventilator to keep him alive. He died in July 2003. He was 40 and left behind a daughter, Bradie, then 2. "We felt like - and I know he felt like - it was a blessing and that was the way it was supposed to be," Alicia Schoemehl said. Had she not known his wishes, she said, she might have wanted to hold on a little more. "There was really no decision at all for me because we were given time, and I know some people aren't - and that makes for a much tougher decision," she said. She also credited the support of family and friends. "I think I would have had the support whatever decision I made, which would have made it easier on me too," she said.